Enjoy my attached funny YouTube video, too!
I guess you are wondering how I made it all the way to The Miss America Pageant. I am not exactly 26-23-36. But there are these lovely little helpers that can give you the hour glass figure needed to compete. You can fake it at Miss America but not to be confused with Miss USA. They actually have designated personnel that “check” your swimsuit and evening gown to make sure it is all you. Most men would pay to have that job. Yes, many have to use beauty queen pads and breast implants.
However, there should be a warning attached to wearing such enhancers. DO NOT JUMP INTO A SWIMMING POOL OR JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD WHILE USING. THIS CAN CAUSE EMBARRASSMENT. This is first hand info, believe me.
While on our Honeymoon, I decided to pack my Miss America swimsuit and, of course, my “accessories”. After all, I was attached to them.
After getting the attentions of all 85 Honeymoon couples who were basking around the pool, I jumped into the water. The look of horror on Thomas’ face as I surfaced said it all. He gestured for me to turn around. Yes, there they were like two jellyfish fish (or, should I say, foam fish) bobbing on the wake. My little cone shape friends were right behind me. They made it to the surface before I did! You would think that moment of embarrassment would serve to teach lesson on what not to do, but noooooooo, only minutes later it happened again.
Thomas over-heard this guy, who was also on his honeymoon, comment, “Man, I feel sorry for him.”
Right after that I returned to Atlantic City for Miss America Pageant and told the story to my good friend, Donnie Smith. He laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to drag him off Atlantic City Boulevard. I said, “Promise you won’t tell ANYBODY that story!” He said, “Oh, Jane, you know me. I can keep a secret!” Within 12 hours people from every state in the union told me, “I heard about your fake tities!”