Christmas Parades – What A Ride

I trained for pageant competition at Billy's Funeral Home.Gracious, I had a blast riding in Christmas Parades! I became a skilled candy-thrower and I had perfected my beauty queen wave. But I learned more than just how to wave in parades. I believe these “rhinestoned lessons” taught me how to laugh at myself along with developing a healthy attitude while riding in a kazillion Christmas parades. Here are a few really funny, timeless lessons I learned.

  • Don’t take yourself too seriously.
    I was asked to be the Grand Marshall in a small town parade. Well, I thought I was the most important part of the parade until the Mayor told me that I was being replaced by the pride and joy of the town- a brand new, purple, sanitation truck. But the good news was I was allowed to ride in the front cab. It was a stitch! So there I sat, crown and all, as I rode through the elated town folks. They cheered and clapped… over their new, purple, dump truck. So much for me and my fabulous wave.
  • Animals will steal the show (and ruin your shoes).
    If the purple sanitation truck was enough of a humble reminder, in the next parade, I was given the honor of walking in high heels behind a herd of beef-a-lo. These mammoth creatures are a cross between a buffalo and a cow. And of course they were well fed. Yes sir-re, I was laser-focused on where I stepped. And of course, I was steppin’ high most of the time.
  • You don’t have to be perfect.
    As the reigning Miss South Carolina, I had to be dressed “to the nines” all the time. But after parade number ten, it was time for this heifer to take off the make-up and change out of my beauty queen clothes.
    Speeding down I-26, I heard the sound we all dread-a highway patrolman’s siren. UGHHH! I was getting pulled for speeding…again. My first thought was how much trouble I would be in with the Miss South Carolina Pageant folks.
    The cop approached my car with a familiar request, “Driver’s license, registration please ma’am.” I handed him my info and braced for my much deserved speeding ticket. To my surprise, he handed me a warning. I was so thrilled that I presented to him my official Miss South Carolina picture, complete with crown, gown and all the trimmings. He looked at me, studied my picture and then he looked at me again. “Dogonne,” he said. “Do you know her?”
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