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Let Me Help You Learn Some Southern

One hundred and fifty some years ago we fought to keep Yankees out, lost, rebuilt and moved on. Times change, people change and a whole passel of folks have come back.

Can’t blame ’em. Our taxes are  low, home prices low, gas prices low, income low, and the IQ of a good many of our kin folk low. 

If you’re looking to settle someplace with a bit of land to mow and farm (we would call such tiny parcels a garden but it’s not our place to judge our neighbor’s plot in life), the South has acres and acres of wide-open spaces.

 

Just so you totally understand folks around in the South, some of these wind open spaces are between the ears of our kin folk.

A friend of mine from up North was stuck in an 800 square foot apartment in New York City with two children to home-school while and a husband working from home. Of course she was also working from home, which is to say she was working two jobs to his one. To make matters worse, the parks were closed. 

To get relief did like Jed and Granny, packed up their things and moved away from there – transplanted all way to where the summer air washes away most of your worries. For sure the humidity will wash away your make up.

I was talking to a refugee from California recently and I asked him how he liked living here?
“I love it except for the language barrier. Spanish I know. Back in El, San, Los, California we speak Spanish. You people talk gibberish. When I set up my account at the water department, the lady behind the glass said, “You need to go over yonder.”

“Over yonder to where?” I wondered. Was yonder a business, name of a street, bridge taking me back to El, San, Los, California?

She looked at me with a long pause and pointed. “Not here, OVER YONDER! Yonder is any place where you ain’t.”

Just out of being polite (not really – Southerners like to say we’re being polite but it’s our way of killing you softly with words), I thought maybe I should share some more Southern lingo.

Wigga Digga- “You brought yo Mama wigga, digga?” Jeff Foxworthy come up with this one, though I suspect he learned it from his momma.

Jeet- “Did you eat?” Jeet saves you from having to speak a whole sentence while you cut in line at the church supper.

“Urine want yours like herun?” – Means do you want the same thing she has?

“I tell you what!” In the South you do not ask what is. You should already know and if you don’t know, you don’t really want to know.

“How’s yo Mama and dem?” Asking about someone’s mama and family kin will always put you in good graces.

“Y’all come see us.” Please don’t. We see enough of you as it is.

If you really want to see more of us come to church on Sunday and leave your stories of how you did things back in New Jersey in storage. If back home was all that you wouldn’t be here, now would you?

      Share your favorite Southernism! Send to Janejenkinsherlong@gmail.com

Jane Jenkins Herlong is a Sirius XM Humorist, international best-selling/award-winning author, professional singer, recording artist and award-winnng professional speaker.

A recent inductee into the prestigious Speaker Hall of Fame, Jane is one of the 232 men and women to be awarded this honor including former U.S. President Ronald Reagan and General Colin L. Powell. Jane also has achieved the distinction of Certified Speaker Professional by the National Speakers Association.

 

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