Life's not Fair…Think About the Ta-tas

If I had a dollar for every time I said this to my children, I would be "sittin' pretty." You, too? How do you explain to a crying young child that this is what to expect FOREVER. Things will happen that just are not good or fair or right. Call is what you will. I say LIFE 101. This is the second lesson I mention in my book, "What Ta-Tas Teach Us," that life is not fair.If I had a dollar for every time I said, “life’s not fair,” to my children, I would be “sittin’ pretty.”  You, too?  How do you explain to a crying young child that this is what to expect FOREVER.  Things will happen that just are not good or fair or right.   This is the second lesson I mention in my book, “What Ta-Tas Teach Us,” that life’s not fair.

I would sit behind girls in class and envy their wide bra straps and count how many hooks they had.  I thought about the one pitiful, little hook I used to fasten my brassiere. The quicker you learn it the better off you are; life’s not fair.  Call it what you will; LIFE 101 is one of my favorite expressions.

Life is Not Fair

Life is not fair because people are imperfect and our world is flawed. “What Ta-Tas Teach Us.” Here is a bit of humor to illustrate how to handle life’s unfair circumstances.

I remember when I was packing for my honeymoon, I decided to pack my lovely Miss America swimsuit.  The biggest “problems” were without my “accents” as my mother would call them (I called them falsies) my swimsuit fell flat…literally. So I packed my little foamy friends that had been attached to me  for years of pageant competition.

I guess you are wondering how I made it all the way to The Miss America Pageant. I am not exactly 36-23-36. But these lovely little helpers that can give you the hour glass figure needed to compete.You can fake it at Miss America but not in the Miss USA/Miss Universe system. They actually have designated personnel that “check” your swimsuit and evening gown to make sure it is all you. Most men would pay to have that job. However, there should be a warning attached to wearing such enhancers. DO NOT JUMP INTO A SWIMMING POOL OR JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD WHILE USING.THIS CAN CAUSE EMBARRASSMENT. This is first hand info, believe me.

After getting the attention of all 85 honeymoon couples who were basking around the pool, I jumped into the water. The look of horror on Thomas‘ face as I surfaced said it all. Panicked, he gestured for me to turn around. Yes, there they were like two jellyfish fish (or, should I say, foam fish) bobbing on the wake. My little cone-shaped friends were right behind me. They made it to the surface before me. You would think that moment of embarrassment would serve to teach a lesson on what not to do, but noooooooo, only minutes later it happened again. Thomas over-heard this guy, who was also on his honeymoon, comment, “Man, I feel sorry for him.”

Right after my honeymoon I returned to Atlantic City for the Miss America Pageant and told the story to my good friend, Donnie Smith. He laughed so hard I thought I was going to have to drag him off Atlantic City Boulevard. I said, “Promise you won‘t tell ANYBODY that story!” He said, ―Oh, Jane, you know me. I can keep a secret!” Within hours people from every state in the union snickered when I walked by.

My journey with the Ta-Tas has taught me that life’s not fair but a good way to handle unfair times is to be able to laugh your way through.

Got a funny story about life not being fair?  Share.

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