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Why I Bought a Fake Christmas Tree

There comes a time when one eats the words of the infamous saying, “I will never, ever……” and adopt another saying, ”never say never…” The decision to buy a fake tree does not happen overnight. Most of the time is it a series of events leading up to the decision-making moment. Why I bought a fake Christmas tree started in back 1982.There comes a time when one eats the words of the infamous saying, “I will never, ever……” and adopt another saying, ”never say never…” The decision to buy a fake tree does not happen overnight. Most of the time is it a series of events leading up to the decision-making moment. Why I bought a fake Christmas tree started in back 1982.
Thomas and I were still “newlies” and renovated our home just enough to have interest in the Johnston Women’s Club Christmas Too-wah for those the non-Southerners (tour). The problem was that I had NO furniture. Enter Cuz Wayne the town decorator. He raped the homes of the Herlong women. It was an excellent idea until the tour-ees walked through my home saying, “Isn’t that Josie Herlong’s fainting couch that her Momma’s second cousin twice removed left her when the family sold their lovely home on Legare Street in the SOB section of down-town Charleston back when the war of Northern aggression was fixin’ to occur?”
One of the biggest challenges was the “Living Room” which became titled many other rooms until we decided to call it The Christmas Room since it would house the Christmas tree. Thomas was instructed to find a grand tree to engulf the room since that would be the star attraction. Cuz Wayne had visions of Rockefeller Plaza in his head.
Thomas delivered on the request. In fact, I would say he over-delivered; the tree had three trunks, 6 birds’ nest, attack marks from a beaver and a partridge in a pear tree….. Just kidding about the partridge.
The tree made a gigantic hit with all those who strolled through our old-newly renovated home. Thomas and I were exhausted and financially spent since we really got into decorating. Christmas came and left; the decorations came down with it the season. However, the tree stayed up. In fact it stayed through January. The once lovely, large green tree was ugly and brown-ish but still as massive as ever.
As Valentines Day approached, Thomas knew it was past-time for the tree to be removed. He tried traditional removal. It became one of those universal mysteries…something you will ask the Lord when you meet him. “How did we get that tree in the house?” Thomas was left with one option: the chainsaw. Yes, in my newly renovated home one cold February day, a chainsaw was used to dismember my Christmas tree.
That event along with other traumatic Christmas Tree mishaps like being pinned under the tree at 1 AM while decorating ALONE as usual…don’t get me started……
SO, this is why I decide to take the plunge.
Well, let me finish this story so I can spray  “Norfolk Island Pine” scent  on my fake tree.
If you have a funny Christmas story, please share!!!!
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Posted by Jane Jenkins Herlong in Christmas and tagged , , .

Jane Herlong Bio Box
Meet the Author: Jane Jenkins Herlong
A former Miss South Carolina, an Amazon “Best-Selling” author, a professional speaker, and heard ’round the world on Sirius XM.
See how Jane helps audiences confront negativity with grace and humor in her keynotes — and check out more of her bio here.

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